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A guy bumps into me and then the bird flied.
"I'll kill you," the angry bull necked man cried.
I start walking out and quickly I replied.
"So you wanna fight, O.K., meet me outside."

I drop my fists, and say "Put me in my place.
Because I want to feel the blood trickle down my face.
I hope your fist feels like I'm getting hit with a mace.
Or my time, like this fight, will just be a waste."

Of course his arm swings and I'm lifted from my feet.
The back of my head and the concrete meet.
I pull myself up from the cold hard street.
And the embers of my anger slowly begin to heat.

Slowly, but surely, I begin to get pissed,
I pull out my knife and I slice through my wrist.
My blood is so heated it leaves my body as a mist.
I throw my knife to the ground and come at him with a fist.

My blood leaves my body, and I become numb.
As I pound through his face it reminds me of gum.
Despite the fact that my hand is broke some,
I keep jacking your face like I'm filled with rum.

His friends pull me off, but by then it is too late.
Maybe next time he'll talk it out calmy and wait
'fore unleashing his anger; in-turn someones hate,
He's in intensive care, I bandage my wrist, anit it great?

I liked it up until the last two verses. Constructive criticism, so please don't be insulted or anything:


'chewd' doesn't seem to be necessary?
It adds an extra two syllables which ruin the flow, and gum is gum is gum, everyone knows the consistancy of it.


I don't like the way that stats with 'Despite' - it's just wrong, but I can't explain how. :mellow:
'my hand is broke some'? Ok, so it keeps the rhyme but it just sounds lame.
Also, 'jacking'. Every source I check defines it as lifting something up, but I don't see anything about it meaning to hit someone?
Personally, I'd scrap these two lines and put something better in.


Not sure if deliberate or a mistake, but you missed the apostrophe in the first line - should be "it's" or "it is".
Also, completely different number of syllables (15,12,17,14) which seems out of place with the rest of the place.
How does this sound?
Which to me gives all the same length... although mabye better to shorten the first and third lines?


Just my suggestions, feel free to ignore them if you don't like them, and well done for the first four parts. :)

Changes made.

(That was the first draft, wrote it after I got my nose broke a few days ago)

Cool, and ouch... how's your nose now?

My nose is fine... its my hand that hurts. I never broke a handbone before. makes typeing a whole neew experiance :)

I like it that doesn't do it justice. Actually, I think its  really good. But....is that actually what happened to your hand/nose? Exaggerated version? Totally unrelated?  :blink:

Well IRL:

I didn't slash my wrist open,
I wasnt lifted from the ground when he hit my nose,
After his friends pulled me off of him, they thrashed me pretty bad with kicks,
I dont know for a fact if hes in intenstive care.

uggh, drauka, how many threads have you started? plenty, and they all require reading long things in the begining :angry:  :P  

well rug closed his last thread. he was told to start a new one. and I dont think hes started that many.......has he?  :huh:  

Its alright. The rhyming of it makes me either go into giggle fits because I start to think about a carrot poking out someone's eye (don't ask), or raise my brow. :P

it's great. i like it, and it looks better now that the changes are made :D

This is the first since rug closed.

one thing though. whats with the wrist slicing bit? I mean I see no reason why someone who's about to be in a fight would slit his wrists beforehand, it seems somehow out of place.

yeah really. you may slit your wrists afterwords but not before. you want all the strength you can have to kick this persons ass

maybe u just want to freak him out by showing u can take a hell of a lotta pain

yeah spray the blood in the eyes, so the opponent can not see, then bash him up badly, then pass out cause u lost too many blood and let opponent wipe eyes and kick yo ass :cool:  :P
...
you never did that?

Meh. I didn't slice my wrist at all... But in the poem itd for the fear factor/My intesnity and for the reason stated it takes away feeling from your body, so i dont notice my hand breaking.

than you could just cut your arm up a couple of times,  probobly hurts just as much as slitting your wrists.

Sliting your wrist doesnt hurt, it stings for a while and it makes you really cold, but the skin is thin so there are less nerves.

yeahs so its about equal to when you cut your arm.  I think of it more as a burning sensation tho.

Simple Complaints

I am; The fresh, The young, The brand new mind, The helpless, The happy and The infinitely kind.
People seem to think I’m great, yet they kill me, so I must be what they hate.
I know I’m gonna die, today. Yet, I already died, yesterday.
And in a week I’m gonna die again, and in a month the cycle will rebegin.

I dont care, if you sit and stare, when a knife passes through my chest.
I dont care, if you just sit there, and watch me die like the rest.
I am innocence, born from violence, how can we put and end to this,
I am the birth of grace, yet you just stay in your place, and watch death take me with a kiss.

If this poem is causing you frustration, it was unintentional.
It’s here to cause an end to procrastination, though unconventional.
Please stop reading if it causes you pain, I’m just trying to cure the insane.
Make them leave me alone, I’m an innocent, my words so soft, yet should be eloquent.

Should be enough to cause you to see your error,
And maybe steer your life from such great terror.
For I am the fresh, the young the innocent,
But for now, I’m dead, my time was spent.

By you.

Its annoying... Im sure you lal know what "Fish" will stand for...

0)
Hypocritical comedians piss me off.
They come up here and act like an ass, just to get a laugh.
You know something else that pisses me off?
When pathetic comedians try to make people laugh, by listing what pisses them off.

0.1)
Geese, these people... how do they sleep at night? Cough (Nightquil) Cough

1)
And You know what else? I’m sick of these eating disorders!
So, I’m guessing you should know that I wanna be both anorexic, and bulimic.
You know why? fish doctors that’s why.
Let them figure this shit out, they would be trying for months.

2)
But, You know there’s a problem with that.
Bulimia makes your teeth rot.
Which brings me to my next point,
Duck Tape. That’s right duck tape.
“Why how does this pertain to the subject” you might ask.
If I wear duck tape on my teeth, then they won’t rot.

2.1)
Because nothing stronger then duct tape. If I made a duct tape robot and a Diamond robot the diamond robot would shit coal in fear when the duct tape robot got pissed at it. I’m not joking – Duct tape is that damn strong.

3)
If I had duct tape on my teeth I’d be the talk of the town.
I would be the curiosity of all the opposite Sex.
Everyone would want a piece of me, Duck tooth boy – Respected by doctors.

4)
I would be getting more numbers then a math teacher, that’s how well I’d be doing. And I’d probably be on Good Morning America, or at least the Daily Show.

5)
But you know what’s really cool?
Nipples.
Wait wait, Ladies dont freak out, this isn’t about you, yet, stop being so damn conceded.
Men, We have nipples, but why?
They’re a pointless thing. Well not technically pointless, But you know what I mean.
I wonder if they were a joke by god. “Here guys have some nipples try to figure out what there for, ha!”
What a jackass, but he probably didn’t do that... so scratch that theory. I think nipples are where telekinesis comes from.

6)
That’s why everyone is so stupid this day in age. We were all bottle-fed. They didn’t get their dose of nipple when they were growing up. Guys, I’m telling you when you get home, make sure your girl friend gives you some much-needed nipple.

7) An all you women who are out their going, “Oh my god he’s so sexist.”
I have three words for you, “YOUR RIGHT!” But not really, I can’t technically be called a sexiest,
or a racist, or anything else of the subject. You know why? I hate everyone who is sensitive, male or female, black or white! If it breathes and over reacts... I hate it, and I hope all you over reactors die.
You know I have a saying for them people its pretty much the same as for the doctors, “fish You.” Oh shit now your gonna over react on me, who cares. “fish you” I’m not afraid, “sue me.”

8)
And I know how you’ll all go too.
If you’re a man, you’ll die of sex deprivation. It’s true, unless you’re murdered, sexual deprivation is the cause of every male death.

8.1)
If you’re a woman you’ll die of laughter. Bleh, I hope your not thinking, “You CAN’T die of laughter,” or “laughter the best medicine?!” Well if you’re thinking that I have a couple of questions for you... Are YOU a doctor? If you’re not a doctor then you have NO reason saying how someone can or can’t die, or how laughter could or couldn’t heal you. The next is, how many old comedians are there, NOT VERY MANY!  You know why...? THEY’RE ALL DEAD, see, laughter isn’t a healing component, it’s a deadly weapon. But why? Why would a woman die of laughter. I can explain that, too. Women are so stupid and insane they laugh at the men dropping dead around them of sexual deprivation, they’re laughing even though they don’t know it, they might be in tears or unconscious. They are still laughing.


9)
Now ladies don’t get me wrong, I know most of you are smarter then the average guy.
But that’s not really anything to be proud of is it?
And The reason you’re smarter isn’t because you have a more advanced psyche, its because we have a less advanced one. Women the reason for this is; you have more time to think about what ever you want. Men just want to get laid. The fact is, women, your sex drive is not even one third of what a mans is, hence the reason we die, first.

9.1)
And if you ever wondered why women had a longer life span, now you know. They can’t die till we do.  

10)
The way I see it death leads to terrorism, and terrorism isn’t fair. Cuz the terrorist hit some big thing of ours, and then we get to bomb rocks. Does that seem equal to you? I THOUGHT NOT! If I was a terrorist I would bomb cattle. Cuz that would be a bigger blow then hitting a major city. You piss off the the heart of America, or the farmers/ranchers who would stand up and scream, “Get that son bitch, he killed Bessie.” What I’m trying to say is not only do you kill a food source but you kill the farmers entertainment for the night.

11)
Speaking of food, you know the good thing about bagels?
You can put Cream Cheese on them...

11.1)
But I never trusted cream cheese, You can’t really trust something called cream cheese when it is a cream, but not a cheese, Right? Its like flying in a plane called the flying fish. Doesn’t seem healthy.

12)
Now regarding health... when you die if you were bad you will be “damned” to “hell.” Yet neither of those are bad words one is an action and the other is a place. There aren’t in reality to many bad words, just bad contexts and perceptions for instance, I say, “God!” ALOT! But I’m not taking his name in vein I’m saying, “Man theirs a good chance your assistance will be needed please turn your attention in this direction.” And if I say, “God damnit,” I’m attempting to send something southward, probably ineffectively. And if I say, “Go to hell,” it’s the same request with the same results, most often, but at least I try.

13)
And I think that’s what makes a good person, trying. I try all the time, I usually don’t get what I’m going for but at least I try. Actually quite often I find my self in excruciating pain because I tried to hard (or not hard enough) And got the piss knocked out of me because I annoyed someone. If I try to get laid I usually get slapped in the nuts or kicked in the face – Wait switch those – But you can’t blame me for trying, right?

14) I mentioned god earlier and I’m quite sure that there is a god. In fact I think that I could possibly be a god. From the eyes of an ant – I’m pretty damn powerful right? If the ants don’t worship me then I stomp on them – Or smite them with my holy goodness. Yeah and some of you religious people freak out and get pissed when I say that or stuff of the subject... And I just about the same thing to you as the doctors and the over sensitive people, “fish off.”


15)
But I like ants! I consider then my little vacuum cleaners. Seriously! They clean up after me. And they’re really creative. One time they spelled out in pizza crusts, “Thank you, My Lord” Yeah, I love those little fellows. I just hope they don’t ever figure out that I’m not actually god. I firmly believe that under my knowledge they have developed suicide bombers – just look at the winged ones. (The ones in my house even have red dots on their wings like Japanese fighters from world war two) So I hope I never piss them off, cuz I never see any Jewish cockroaches in my house.

16) Yeah... If my ants ever revolted I’d be pretty screwed... because I don’t have any friends to help me out. I don’t have friends I have, “acquaintances” and I don’t necessarily like them... Actually I hate them alot. Almost as much as I hate Ice Cream.

16.1) Well O.K. let me be honest... I don’t have a problem with ice cream, I guess I like vanilla. But thats not why I’m fat! Alright! Ok back to the story... What I dont like is this “Fast Food” Ice Cream which isn’t Ice Cream basically its Milk INFUSED with air.

17) Now I dont like the milk air infusion but I do like the Idea of using air in everyday use. Like breathing... Breathing infused with air! Sounds good to me. But lets take it a little further, shall we? My bed is getting pretty old and starting to get uncomfortable... so lets INFUSE it with AIR! Oh yeah now its comfy- OUCH SON OF A GUN! The springs ahh! They’re in my back. Let’s get our handy dandy air infuser and infuse them with air too... oh yeah. Comfy bed.

17.1) But those of you who know me at least in the least know I like to take things further... so we could infuse shoes with air... more comfortable AND you increase your vertical by a few feet. Make slam dunking easy even for the short people... Promote unity! Yeah. Air Infusions.

17.2) BUT STILL let’s take it further! We could infuse alcohol with Air. That way when people drove home drunk they’d be more awake and not so drunk because A) Oxygen is a stimulant and B) After one beer they would feel bloated and that would be enough for them. That’s why casinos owners pump pure oxygen (infuse the place with air) into the Casinos. They’re not trying to get rid of all the smoke and bad breath smell... they’re keeping you awake so you lose track of time and gamble more. No casino has a clock with-in view of the gambling area. It’s true. Check it out sometime...

17.3) Back to the infusions... if that doesn’t work to reduce the wrecks in America what we could do is infuse the CAR with air so when it wrecked it would just bounce off the other car harmlessly... And planes too! So when they wrecked no one would get hurt. But still people might be in danger... So let’s just infuse our clothing with Air. Oh no but what happens when were shot at! Theirs nothing hard to protect us from bullets now! I have an IDEA lets infuse the PEOPLE with air then there would be no accidents. Everyone could just walk through each other... Make driving to work a hell of a lot faster, and SAFER.

18) That’s my problem with America my ONLY Problem... The only problem I have is everyone is so overboard people go all out for safety. My point of view is similar towards those dumbass safety freaks as it is with religious people, overly sensitive people and doctors... “fish ‘em.” The only people who need all these laws are the assholes we dont need in the county, there watering down life. Life is getting bland. Get rid of these freaks and people will be come REAL people again. So again... I say, “fish ‘em”

19) Now listen carefully because people don’t understand these three things about me. 1. I LOVE AMERICA! All right? 2. I LOVE THE IDEA OF AMERICA and 3. I DONT LIKE THE FLAG! Ok? I don’t see how people could care about the flag. It’s a freaking colored cloth... Ok wait I just thought of something... here is a test. How patriotic are you? Lets look at Americas colored cloths... A) Red White and Blue: The flag, and B) Green and White: Money. I bet if someone namely you saw a flag blowing down the street and a hundred dollar bill blowing don’t you would jump for the hundred in the second. Wouldn’t even hesitate!

20) Now people say respect the flag people died for that flag... NO THEY DIDN’T! They died for the IDEA behind the FLAG... America doesn’t need a flag. All right? America is a modern nation, flags are outdated war banners they mean nothing – get rid of them.

 21) And its not JUST the flag all right, this country IS going WAY overboard. And I said that’s the only thing I dont like about America. Let me show you. We now have national Birds, national insects, national animals, national flags, national animals, national flowers, national trees, national anthems, and national heroes. WHAT THE HELL! Anyone ELSE see the problem in that? But it gets worse. Because for just about every national “thing.” Theirs one for the states and all the territories. See how much State and National CRAP we have? It’s overboard, way to much JUNK and we need to get rid of it.

21) Yeah, and the doctors, the over sensitive people, religious people, and the assholes that our country doesn’t need can tell you what I’m probably gonna say about the people who go overboard. Thats right, something along the lines of “Go fish yourselves.”

22) Now the pledge of allegiance, in it your PLEDGING to the flag. NOT AMERICA there is a difference.  
Here is the current pledge that I abhor:
“I pledge allegiance to the flag,
Of the United States of America.
And to the republic for which it stands,
One nation, under god, Indivisible,
With liberty and justice for all.”

My somewhat longer version:
“I pledge allegiance; To the great nation of America.
To the farmers of the fields who grow my food so the nation can eat.
To the truckers who get the food to our nations major cites.
To the people of the major cities who characterize our nation in the eyes of foreigners.
To the soldiers who protect my family my ancestors my future and me.
To the congressmen and judges who make the nation as fair as possible.
To the waitresses who get paid crap, just to deal with assholes and pricks, like me.
To the postal service which keeps me in contact with my family, and makes the news interesting.
To the comedians who make us laugh about things we are too afriad to say our selves.
And finally to the Ideas of the Great nation its self.  “Freedom, Independence, and United Strength.”
To this I do pledge and to this I do uphold.”

Yes I understand that is horribly long and people will never memorize it. Thats how I feel If you dont like it fish YOU. Please tell everyone I said that, teachers, friends, parents, pets who ever you can think to tell. Because I dont believe in the flag – I believe in America. Soldiers didn’t die for the flag they doied for the people of America and Americas land.


23) When I die of a completely simple and curable disease that I refused to get treated; People will claim I was an asshole, a prick, a jerk, and anything else they can say to make themselves feel better without me being able to defend myself or attack them verbally or mentally... My gravestone will simply read... “Quote: fish Doctors”

I thought jokes were supposed to be funny? :miffed:

too looong.  i got about half way through and I can't be bothered to read the rest

SS rememebr what I told you about my sig? Yeah that applies here.

I get paid extra for doing this on stage while my freinds are resting (since I dont sing)

Maybe the reasomn yuo dont find them funny isbecause you can hear me saying them you just read it as text.

 

I don't like being "blehed at" *edits*

i liked the one about nipples...it tickled me...tee hee.
other than that i think the jokes would be much funnier if i actuallly stopped and inserted the necessary pauses...but yea i'm pretty sure if you performed them as and act it would be way better :D  

yeah, it's funny in word form, but it would be alot better performed.  good stuff.

I like it because it his simple, "duh" jokes like the nightquil one. And more intellectual jokes like the american flag.
I like it even more because drunk people are easily amused :P

Sorry, but yes, being drunk would probably help
I never particularly cared for comedian type things, umm, stand up, oh that's it, stand up comedians

are you serious...i love stand up comedians...especially stephen lynch...

in case you've never heard of him...he is this reallie great performer...oh god is he good...he makes up comedic songs...and sings them while he is playing the guitar.

it's some good stuff

I just don't like all the low-blow jokes; they're too simple.  Most of which are on topics that bring back vivid memories of heated "discussions" in school... <_<  But true, I can't say all stand up comedians are bad, it’s just too much of a generalization  

"discussions" you say...wut kind of "discussions"?

probobly argument.  because every argument is just a well heated discussion

bingo ;)
(for the sake of not being spam)
it didn't help to have one very...umm, how to put this nicely?  unforgiving...not-understanding...not-withholding...ah hell, she was just racist against whites and refuses to admit it.  (Only the teacher and myself were of light skin in the class)

*UPDATE*
this pops in right before the last joke

23) Wow, O.K. that joke didn’t go over well... Anyone here ever heard of, “Working the Crowd,” well its what comedians do when they look around and notice something that they can make fun of or associate with them selves. Such as a comedian sees alot of wedding rings so they can say something like, “Anyone ever been married?” or see alot of fellow KKK members, “Ever lynched someone.” And you try to make them seem more like you so your next joke is so much funnier. But when I look around here all’s I see is drunk people so scratch that idea.

24) Cuz I’ve never been drunk, and I have never even drank any alcohol at all. I add that second bit because people usually think “we can’t drink around him, he’s Ex-AA were a bad influence” but that’s not true! Because I love drunk people. Because drunk people love poop jokes, and I LOVE poop jokes. So we get along.

25) Seriously, have you ever been constipated for about 4 days. Then all the sudden you have to crap so you run in the bathroom. And about 10 minutes later you’re still there with a severe case of dysentery...? Like my father always said, “Son, your not a man unless you can clog the toilet with diarrhea.”

26) A related joke, one time my friends and I were at a mall, and one of them had to go, so he told everyone he was going to take a monster dump. And us, being a severe group of assholes followed him into the bathroom.  It was one of those bathrooms when you can see their feet and that’s it. So were looking at his feet shouting GO GO GO, and we can see his pants and all the sudden we here a tinkle. You know we kind of stop and step back. One of us said, “Dude your pissing like a woman!” He a very editable person replied, “No I have diarrhea butt munch, you want to come in and see?!” That didn’t help his case any, and the worst part was just a few seconds later we hear the gayest voice from the next stall say, “If they aren’t looking, can I?” Needless to say we left them alone, and found someone else to rip on.
 

You noe what kinda comedians I like...I like the ones that makes sound effects.

Those are awesome; if you watch Comedy Central Presents watch the one w/ Gabriel Igelsias or Pablo Francisco

OR...you could watch Johnny Sanchez just b/c he's sexy.

ANYWAY...the poop jokes are funny, but I think that jokes containing fecal matter or urination are a little played out.

Well. have you ever dared your self to eat corn and jalepeanos when you had dierrea?

I've never gotten diahrrea, and I don't particularly like to eat jalapenos straight...maybe in some salsa that would be good.

I don't really get the purpose behind your question.

Well trust me it is the worst pain you will ever feel.

Never gotten diarrhea!?  It's one of the wonders of life!

I've spent months on this poem and I think I am finally done. The poem is intensly complex so the rhytm is fecked up. (It is also saposed to be sung but that isnt possible through BPS) I have this posted on a couple other sites. For those of you who are clever you might see why it took so long to complete.

Adrenaline

Starts out... like a song... the heart slowly beats...
Like the bass... and then your brain... secretes...
A chemical... an addiction... a cause of a craving...
For power and... for strength... strength for saving...
Saving... Saving ones life... A life that is your own...
Now plug in the mike... lift your fists... your all alone...
The pressure is on... stress... this causes strains...
The crowd staring at you... stress... on your veins...

It starts... like a song... yet your heart slowly beats...
The adrenaline lets... no makes you be... a master of unspeakable feats...
Your voice be steady... strong... you duck a blow...
What about the fans... they like you... you'll never know...
They wonder who won... even after you... now realize this fights done...
Finish the battle... continue to fight... or know when to run...
Feel... the music... make your body warm...
Feel... your anger... pulse like a storm...

It starts... like a song... heart will slowly pump...
Feel the screams... hit you... your throat will lump...
Hear... your anger... through your pulse...
Feel... the screams... you are someone else...
When you... are on the stage... you are in your place...
When you feel... your fist... in there face...
Everyone cheers... it isn't enough... you feel defeated...
You're done... a tie... yet the performance must be repeated...

Never Again... Never Again... Never Again...

:blink: wow thats really good

pretty good, like the double references thing if thats what its meant to be.

i got bored towards the end though  :(  

Mole- If i told you there are 9 poems hiding within the words would you take a second look?

i saw about 4, 9 wud make me looks even more like this  :blink:  

Read my signature...

At long last i found time to finnish it :P

Changes suggested? Comments? all excepted, unless your name is Rug or SS

Good job my name isn't SS; only my handle. :P

It's a bit bright red-wise, but otherwise it's cool.

ooo you have mroe time on your hands then I do.  SS i thought we werent supposed to have more than one or two colors in our sigs?

I commend you on your commitment to finish your sig...but if *only* I could read it...the colours are so distracting...I just think I'll stare at them for a while.

The colors need to be their or the poem doesnt make since.

The Black is what Drauka is.
The Red and Blue spell Drauka with their first letters.
The Gold and Silver denote importance to those words.
The green makes it eazy for people to count how manys A's and The's that I used. As well as allow you to keep your place if you have to look up for a moment.
The normal color can be skipped over so you can just read the red and black.

:blink: confusing as fuck

though kinda cool.  you put a lot of thought into that(or a little wahtever) thats actually really cool.

think its just contrasting colours but its nice your idea behind them

[color=FF0000]t[/color][color=FF5000]a[/color][color=FFA000]s[/color][color=FFCD00]t[/color][color=FFFF00]e[/color] [color=AAFF33]t[/color][color=33FF00]h[/color][color=00CC33]e[/color] [color=009999]r[/color][color=0066CC]a[/color][color=0033FF]i[/color][color=3300FF]n[/color][color=6600FF]b[/color][color=9900FF]o[/color][color=CC00FF]w[/color]!


Thats the most colouring I will ever do. Its pretty, shame about the length and the clashing colours ;).

*sees a rainbow and runs towards it trying to lick it*

Yes alot of thought did go into it. I also tried to make all of the mini poems within the larger freeverse poem to each be differnt unto its self. But the Masked Faceless is very similar to the Laybourless Peasant, Emperer of Anarchists.

Shibby?

Cool-  I bet you're the only one around here with that much patience Drauka!  LOL  

This isn't copywrited yet, but I thought it would be intresting to post, mostly because of the name. See after we play a t abar someone will come up to us and start talking about a song. And this song has so many nicknames that I cannot list them all, but thier are a few I thought I woul put down.

The Ballad of Sonny James (Not so much) (I’ve had enough) (An Ode to Pop) (Write Me) my favorite... (That one song about the guys with the cameras)

I’ve had enough of your shit.
Now Fuck You, because,
I’ve had enough of your shit.
Am I Rich? No, Not so much.
Am I Rich? No, Not so much.

I anit stingy, I mean if you want a CD
Get a pen and a paper and write to me.
I’ll burn one and send it to your house for free.
When the number of loyal fans that I have is three,
It is awesome to go to some new place.
You can see them in the rafters with cameras in their face.
They tape it, and show it to their friends,
And the hits to our web sites soon ascend.
Because you can download my music for free to begin.
So we post more songs, and more movies of us then.
Before and now, you can see we haven’t changed.
Were still the freaky geeks you looked at and called strange.
 
I’ve had enough of your shit.
Now Fuck You, because,
I’ve had enough of your shit.
Am I cocky? No, not so much.
Am I cocky? No, not so much.

I know I’m on the radio but that shit isn’t important.
I make all my cds in my best friends basement.
And for every one song you hear, eight more are rejected,
The songs that I hate are the only ones to be selected,
I just want to hear some real punk and rock
With out this pop shit and that rap like talk,
I just want to float on the melody and go stiff.
At the power of a great new guitar riff.
I play some wicked chords, scream some wicked lyrics,
You cringe as the chorus gets in your head and sticks.
And everyone is rockin’ like its time for the noose.
Watch the head bang and shake that song loose.

I’ve had enough of your shit.
Now Fuck You, because,
I’ve had enough of your shit.
Is it over? No! NOT SO MUCH!
Is it over? No! NOT SO MUCH!

I believe in real rock, so I will never quit.
And a true rocker can never have enough of it.
I will play till I die, while still maintaining a real job,
Because none of my friends are rich or live like slobs.
I have to make my own bed, and change my own sheets.
I have to scrape my own car when it is covered in sleet.
I don’t really care about money from something that is only a hobby.
We aren’t going to go to congress and sit in the lobby.
To try to get recognized and make people pay.
I am not about that shit I only want to play.
I are artist of the not so much kind.
I don’t complain, and I will never whine.

I’ve had enough of your shit.
Now Fuck You, because,
We’ve had enough of your shit.
 

your stuff is so much better now that fuck is fuck. so when you guys gonna get a cd  out?

I dont know I think that Fish
Added a fresh new twist
Just where it was needed... LOL.

Once we stop goign as the unknown artists and decide upon a name, get a record deal and a real website then Ill just post the website here and you can download the songs for free.

shweeet.  why dont you just mail me an autographed cd so I can feel all special :P

Dung

yes but are you sure you want us to have an impact in deciding your future?  I dont think that is very wise.

too long for me to read atm.  I'll get to it later

Just remember I says It sucks before you read it.

(I need to work on scenery and describing the people...)

yes but  its fine when you say it but when we say it its  weird cuz we  didnt write it and  stuff.

I think you have potential in both areas, and could benefit from either of the classes, so choose the one that makes you happiest. :)

speaking of happy classes I think they should offer more useful ones. like "how to give good head" or
'how to find real free porn on the internet" and  "how to  make your tracks compleyely untracable."  these could really be just 2-3 day classes. but they  would still be helpful ;)  

Firefairy... shame... never heard of ultimatepasswords ultrapasswords or truepasswords .com?


I put this story on forums devoted to short storys and explained it was originally a play that I wrote for Lit 2 that I tried to cross over and make a good story out of...

yes it is  a shame. :rolleyes:  

some american teacher openly suggested putting masturbation as a class, and she uhh was sacked by the end of the day

sounds like something I would do.  cept the teacher part.  hellish conditions and you dont get paid very well. but you get to corrupt the  minds of  other people and  charge them for it

hmm any corrupting id do would probably get me fired AND sued  :(  

heh oh btw fire I am taking both classes, I had planned on it form the start.

i wanst going to if I had mor epoepl say... Herm, no, you are like old balls... lala

somone said herm?

balls? herms? whats this?

cool  have fun with them

This is what it's like to be furious, yet faceless and unknown
Overlooked like an insignificant petty little lawn gnome.
Smiling about as warm as the warmth of an unforgiving stare.
And my stare is like the firestorm of my psycho hate filled glare.
Yet my face remains still, unaltered by my dark sneer that is snide.
Watching almost bug eye'd you might have thought that I had slowly died.
Shall I praise the stars that I am one who can never take the blame?
Or curse them, because no one recognizes me or knows my name.

I am replacing my pride with substantial emotionlessness.
Your god has failed you now, it is even I who is saintly blessed.
Everyone else has the same sad mentality and privileges,
As me, we all live priced and prideless nearing our mental edges.
We have nothing to love of our own, and we sell out if we can.
Until we have grown old and there is nothing left to sell, we're bland.
We are the metaphorical whores of a new generation.
We let our minds go blank and we just lie there for the duration.

We let ourselves get fucked over by those who think them our betters.
When these same people are scared shitless and are repeat bed wetters.
We let our intellectuals be suppressed and smoothly smothered.
We gain satisfaction from what would taste bitter to another.
From an older generation that fears change in society.
This publicity telling me to be the same, will silence me.
My mind is even now worn, perhaps my thoughts will never be born.
Never have one, is the best way to get rid of a mental thorn.

I was, am and will forever be, just like you.

do you ever stop writing?  I mean all your stuff is beyond good.   and you just keep posting more and more.  where the hell does it come from? *studies the side of Druaka's head*

Well all of my poems have inperfections.

Such as the 4th line of this one... psycho doesnt quite fit, but it keeps the meter on... and the 18th line "repeat bed wetters" Eugh... well it might be good but it is also poor in ways that I cannot understand.
I will be taking special writing courses next year to set me up for coledge. Perhaps by then I wont see all of the flaws that are unfortionatly their.
On a side note, I haev a folder called "Failed Attempts At Greatness" Where I put poems that.... didnt quite make the cut... it makes up for the highest percentage of my poems, and songs.
I only introduce poems that get to go into other folders like Philo and Sick Rick. (Philo would be philosophical, and Sick Rick are poems where I try to match 16th-18th centuary poetry, such as My Love My Pain.)



You ask what alot of people ask... I just putmyself in a mock situation and write my feelings. I put my self in hell and wrote the bar. I put myself "alone" and wrote Thirst, as well as Psychopaths Love Poem, and Unlucky. Really isnt hard, try it some time.  

amazing.  if you happen to die in a freak accident around . .  *looks at watch* noon est tomarrow can i have your brain?

Considering its just about noon eastern time now, go ahead

whoops didnt wake up till 8 pm.  shame too i would have loved to have your brain :(

Grayer
Is their color, or are the worlds gray?
If there is, are they cold and permanent?
Question sent; if so will they forever stay?
The simple colors that, define the gray?

Contemplate “worlds” ‘cause there are many.
Dark tasteless perception allows free reign.
Touching pain; brushing of color against me.
Art is blurring my senses mercilessly.

Shades of black and white hang in my vision.
The harsh pain of color has made me blind.
Left behind; sanity shot with precision.
Stealing my senses with one incision.

The world is not dark, yet it is not bright either.
No sense of touch, and no sense of hearing.
Defining gray; living for I need neither.
No taste, no smell, my memories whither.

My senses are far grayer than before.
Senses ride the gray lightning, watch me soar.
Remorse for there is not left to remorse for.
Cry not, for my graying wounds are not sore.

If you can’t tell my blight immediately,
I could let you in on a gray secret.
But keep it; for my senses are memory.
I ask; will anyone remember me?


[Edit] Sorry slashes didnt go through [/edit]

If anyone has trouble picking up the rhyme scheme
1234567890
1234567890
12345678901
1234567890

The meaning I will tell if their are a couple guesses, and...
Symetry Six letters in title Six stanzas. Not a coincidence

You posting the rhyme scheme doesn't help w/me knowing what you are talking about. Teach me teach me!!


Um...that doesn't sound smooth...I'm not sure if taking out the "far" would set off the ...thing...but I think if you put "grayer" In then it would be weird to make it more grayer...or something.

Picky Picky...

The senses are memory
The color is death.

It is about a dieing man :)

death to the infedels!  *giggles* I should probably leave before I say soemthing  weird.  

The poem is still in its rough draft form. Loose rhyme and even looser meter. Weak rythm, but good content.

Of the night before I was betrayed.

I committed suicide, last night.
When I saw you kissing him, I cried.
So I got some wire and tied it to the light.
Tied it to my neck, flipped switch, and died... I did.

While I lied there on the floor,
Convulsing from electricity,
I only wanted it to more,
Pass through my body.

On the news, fatality, there was.
Because I felt that no one loved me, but they did.
And now none well ever see,
My colored personality, ever again, they won’t.

But then I felt my soul and I,
Rip form my body and then a-rise.
Floating up and feelings opened my eyes, they did.
Shivering and looking down upon, gods prize,

I realized I had made a mistake,
Then my reality began to shake.
Then a frightful trip ever did I take.
To my girlfriends house the day after the wake.

It dawned on me that she loved me,
And not that other guy, oh why,
Why oh why did I go and have to die.
Why oh why had I committed Suicide?

At this one moment I wished for life,
And no answer really came,
‘Til I floated down to hell.
And my feelings of you remained the same.

Of the night before I was betrayed.
 

:miffed: rough? if thats rough draft i will beg for the final, i enjoyed that in a sadistic way

I enjoyed that in a none sadistic way. :P

wow that was good.  all your stuff is good.  *goes back to planning a way to get drauka's brain*

/me knocks out drauka, hires a elite brain surgeon, and steals his brain

:D

hey I wanted that :o  

When i finish it, this could be an hour or a year from now and i will post it here.

You will see the definate differnce.

It will transform from Shod to God. In 30 seconds

its not shod so

in thirty seconds you say. imagine the  time you could save by i dont know where i'm going with this.  ooo look a tissue and I have a whole box of them.  amazing isnt it.  :)  

Laughter rains upon my body like the whips that follow.
Look into my gaze, and praise that it is hollow.

For;
My masters abuse and savor me.
They love to hold me in slavery.
See these blood stains... They don’t come freely.
Please break these chains! AND FUCKING FREE ME!

Listen to my screams and the whips crack.
Watch as the blood streams strait down my back.
Don’t lift a finger, no don’t help me.
Because it’s great fun to watch me bleed.

I think that no one understands me.
And I have to get my chained hands free.
Pissed off, I would cut my wrists off.
I know my shackles could then twist off.

It’s strange that no one understands why.
I would let my hands fall off and die.
So someone would finally hear me.
Scream out to them, “I want to be free!”

They would find out what the pained scream means.
When they come to find the ghastly scene.
An axe, hands, and shackles on the floor.
“Fire!” as I lock the outside door.

You laughed at me, but I learned how.
Now I am free... who’s laughing now?
 

the ending leaves that lovely hint of bloody revenge.

poem or song?

poem that might be adapted

it's pretty good, got a nice rythym to it too :)

Mississippi Dinner

Mezza likes to eat chicken,
I huntin' me go stick in,
Bone knife in the white bird head,
Thing run 'round but it sure dead,
When it done I pick bird up,
Cook the bird and then I sup.
Yum.

LOL kewl poem :)

dont they eat roadkill down there?

That's West Virginia.  Seriously!  LOL

Er... "nice" poem.  :D  

gah how many damn topics do you need?  *shakes fist at  Drauka and begins to strangle self with the other*

Yuor the mod. Go merge ever single one of my posts so they can be togather and I will post in one thread

Poem. Boring I think

The Defeatist

I know your type. You live for the fall.
You think its all right, to curl in a ball.
Bleed and get kicked, till your enemy is tired.
As they start to walk away, you get up and get wired.

You wait till there back is turned before you attack.
You could beat a man unconscious and never look back.
You will never scare or run, you dont even get pissed.
You will never give up, because you live for the fist.

I know your type, at the bottom of the stack.
You wait till a back is turned and then get up and attack.
You fight like an animal; swing, swing, and repeat.
A face of pure defiance that will never accept defeat.

You never try to protect yourself, or even dodge away.
You will even lean into a punch that’s aimed for your face.
Self-destruction to a point that no one dare fight you.
Because no one can tell quite what you’ll do.

To win; to let others share your pain,
Who knows what intelligence it takes to restrain,
From fighting back until the last instant,
With a look in your eyes, far away and distant.

Be we all know, you are intent.
You are the defeatist, now make me repent.
 

hardly boring.

pissed as in mad or pissed as in drunk?

Angry.

Sister poem to my love, my pain

My Master
Bow to your human master, though he looks a disaster, in his flailing cape.
His powerful ravaged glare, showing he would never dare, to allow escape.
Across the room his gaze spills, with visible shakes and chills, he gives a small smirk.
Closely examining all, holding the world in thrall, as he goes to work.

His eyes glancing up and down, with a disapproving frown, he then walks away.
In a rage he roars and screams, arms stretched out, face to the beams, "ALL OF YOU MUST STAY!"
Fear shows all across the room, with every step comes a boom, the demon is free.
He shatters the marble floor, and many sprint for the door, he watches with glee.

His eyes flare flame and blaze red, had no one heard what he had said? In tones that burn,
"You are all disappointing! Incapable of thinking! You will never learn!"
All humans froze in terror, "this must be a nightmare, when is dawn arising?"
So fast he changed to beast from man. There are claws where there was hand! Fright not surprising.

A grotesque sickening sound, as mighty horns grow out and down, ripping through his skin.
His stomach fiercely rumbles, as he simply mumbles, "the feast will now begin."
From the shadows came a shriek, followed by the floorboards squeak, a hoard is moving.
The master takes the first bite, the room is devoid of light, soon left, is nothing.

Sinner
The more of me you try to cleanse.
The more I will commit my sins.
Bring all weapons, now it begins.
A war that transcends dimensions.  

Here are my scars. Here is my blood.
Under my nails is said dried crud.
Here’s my rage and here are my words,
A message that only disturbs.

Read between my letters of choice.
Into the gaps that make no noise.
There you can feel the purity,
See the light, and the darkness; me.

Remember gray is just black and white.
Stacked together in cubes just right.
Then looked back on, inventing gray.
Lasting harmony that will stay.

Forever if I had my way.
Just one request of you today.
Look into my eyes, deep within.
And sense the many needs; for sin.
 

It's good but it doesnt seem finnished. I dunno