Drauka's stuff

Its annoying... Im sure you lal know what "Fish" will stand for...

0)
Hypocritical comedians piss me off.
They come up here and act like an ass, just to get a laugh.
You know something else that pisses me off?
When pathetic comedians try to make people laugh, by listing what pisses them off.

0.1)
Geese, these people... how do they sleep at night? Cough (Nightquil) Cough

1)
And You know what else? I’m sick of these eating disorders!
So, I’m guessing you should know that I wanna be both anorexic, and bulimic.
You know why? fish doctors that’s why.
Let them figure this shit out, they would be trying for months.

2)
But, You know there’s a problem with that.
Bulimia makes your teeth rot.
Which brings me to my next point,
Duck Tape. That’s right duck tape.
“Why how does this pertain to the subject” you might ask.
If I wear duck tape on my teeth, then they won’t rot.

2.1)
Because nothing stronger then duct tape. If I made a duct tape robot and a Diamond robot the diamond robot would shit coal in fear when the duct tape robot got pissed at it. I’m not joking – Duct tape is that damn strong.

3)
If I had duct tape on my teeth I’d be the talk of the town.
I would be the curiosity of all the opposite Sex.
Everyone would want a piece of me, Duck tooth boy – Respected by doctors.

4)
I would be getting more numbers then a math teacher, that’s how well I’d be doing. And I’d probably be on Good Morning America, or at least the Daily Show.

5)
But you know what’s really cool?
Nipples.
Wait wait, Ladies dont freak out, this isn’t about you, yet, stop being so damn conceded.
Men, We have nipples, but why?
They’re a pointless thing. Well not technically pointless, But you know what I mean.
I wonder if they were a joke by god. “Here guys have some nipples try to figure out what there for, ha!”
What a jackass, but he probably didn’t do that... so scratch that theory. I think nipples are where telekinesis comes from.

6)
That’s why everyone is so stupid this day in age. We were all bottle-fed. They didn’t get their dose of nipple when they were growing up. Guys, I’m telling you when you get home, make sure your girl friend gives you some much-needed nipple.

7) An all you women who are out their going, “Oh my god he’s so sexist.”
I have three words for you, “YOUR RIGHT!” But not really, I can’t technically be called a sexiest,
or a racist, or anything else of the subject. You know why? I hate everyone who is sensitive, male or female, black or white! If it breathes and over reacts... I hate it, and I hope all you over reactors die.
You know I have a saying for them people its pretty much the same as for the doctors, “fish You.” Oh shit now your gonna over react on me, who cares. “fish you” I’m not afraid, “sue me.”

8)
And I know how you’ll all go too.
If you’re a man, you’ll die of sex deprivation. It’s true, unless you’re murdered, sexual deprivation is the cause of every male death.

8.1)
If you’re a woman you’ll die of laughter. Bleh, I hope your not thinking, “You CAN’T die of laughter,” or “laughter the best medicine?!” Well if you’re thinking that I have a couple of questions for you... Are YOU a doctor? If you’re not a doctor then you have NO reason saying how someone can or can’t die, or how laughter could or couldn’t heal you. The next is, how many old comedians are there, NOT VERY MANY! You know why...? THEY’RE ALL DEAD, see, laughter isn’t a healing component, it’s a deadly weapon. But why? Why would a woman die of laughter. I can explain that, too. Women are so stupid and insane they laugh at the men dropping dead around them of sexual deprivation, they’re laughing even though they don’t know it, they might be in tears or unconscious. They are still laughing.

9)
Now ladies don’t get me wrong, I know most of you are smarter then the average guy.
But that’s not really anything to be proud of is it?
And The reason you’re smarter isn’t because you have a more advanced psyche, its because we have a less advanced one. Women the reason for this is; you have more time to think about what ever you want. Men just want to get laid. The fact is, women, your sex drive is not even one third of what a mans is, hence the reason we die, first.

9.1)
And if you ever wondered why women had a longer life span, now you know. They can’t die till we do.

10)
The way I see it death leads to terrorism, and terrorism isn’t fair. Cuz the terrorist hit some big thing of ours, and then we get to bomb rocks. Does that seem equal to you? I THOUGHT NOT! If I was a terrorist I would bomb cattle. Cuz that would be a bigger blow then hitting a major city. You piss off the the heart of America, or the farmers/ranchers who would stand up and scream, “Get that son bitch, he killed Bessie.” What I’m trying to say is not only do you kill a food source but you kill the farmers entertainment for the night.

11)
Speaking of food, you know the good thing about bagels?
You can put Cream Cheese on them...

11.1)
But I never trusted cream cheese, You can’t really trust something called cream cheese when it is a cream, but not a cheese, Right? Its like flying in a plane called the flying fish. Doesn’t seem healthy.

12)
Now regarding health... when you die if you were bad you will be “damned” to “hell.” Yet neither of those are bad words one is an action and the other is a place. There aren’t in reality to many bad words, just bad contexts and perceptions for instance, I say, “God!” ALOT! But I’m not taking his name in vein I’m saying, “Man theirs a good chance your assistance will be needed please turn your attention in this direction.” And if I say, “God damnit,” I’m attempting to send something southward, probably ineffectively. And if I say, “Go to hell,” it’s the same request with the same results, most often, but at least I try.

13)
And I think that’s what makes a good person, trying. I try all the time, I usually don’t get what I’m going for but at least I try. Actually quite often I find my self in excruciating pain because I tried to hard (or not hard enough) And got the piss knocked out of me because I annoyed someone. If I try to get laid I usually get slapped in the nuts or kicked in the face – Wait switch those – But you can’t blame me for trying, right?

14) I mentioned god earlier and I’m quite sure that there is a god. In fact I think that I could possibly be a god. From the eyes of an ant – I’m pretty damn powerful right? If the ants don’t worship me then I stomp on them – Or smite them with my holy goodness. Yeah and some of you religious people freak out and get pissed when I say that or stuff of the subject... And I just about the same thing to you as the doctors and the over sensitive people, “fish off.”

15)
But I like ants! I consider then my little vacuum cleaners. Seriously! They clean up after me. And they’re really creative. One time they spelled out in pizza crusts, “Thank you, My Lord” Yeah, I love those little fellows. I just hope they don’t ever figure out that I’m not actually god. I firmly believe that under my knowledge they have developed suicide bombers – just look at the winged ones. (The ones in my house even have red dots on their wings like Japanese fighters from world war two) So I hope I never piss them off, cuz I never see any Jewish cockroaches in my house.

16) Yeah... If my ants ever revolted I’d be pretty screwed... because I don’t have any friends to help me out. I don’t have friends I have, “acquaintances” and I don’t necessarily like them... Actually I hate them alot. Almost as much as I hate Ice Cream.

16.1) Well O.K. let me be honest... I don’t have a problem with ice cream, I guess I like vanilla. But thats not why I’m fat! Alright! Ok back to the story... What I dont like is this “Fast Food” Ice Cream which isn’t Ice Cream basically its Milk INFUSED with air.

17) Now I dont like the milk air infusion but I do like the Idea of using air in everyday use. Like breathing... Breathing infused with air! Sounds good to me. But lets take it a little further, shall we? My bed is getting pretty old and starting to get uncomfortable... so lets INFUSE it with AIR! Oh yeah now its comfy- OUCH SON OF A GUN! The springs ahh! They’re in my back. Let’s get our handy dandy air infuser and infuse them with air too... oh yeah. Comfy bed.

17.1) But those of you who know me at least in the least know I like to take things further... so we could infuse shoes with air... more comfortable AND you increase your vertical by a few feet. Make slam dunking easy even for the short people... Promote unity! Yeah. Air Infusions.

17.2) BUT STILL let’s take it further! We could infuse alcohol with Air. That way when people drove home drunk they’d be more awake and not so drunk because A) Oxygen is a stimulant and B) After one beer they would feel bloated and that would be enough for them. That’s why casinos owners pump pure oxygen (infuse the place with air) into the Casinos. They’re not trying to get rid of all the smoke and bad breath smell... they’re keeping you awake so you lose track of time and gamble more. No casino has a clock with-in view of the gambling area. It’s true. Check it out sometime...

17.3) Back to the infusions... if that doesn’t work to reduce the wrecks in America what we could do is infuse the CAR with air so when it wrecked it would just bounce off the other car harmlessly... And planes too! So when they wrecked no one would get hurt. But still people might be in danger... So let’s just infuse our clothing with Air. Oh no but what happens when were shot at! Theirs nothing hard to protect us from bullets now! I have an IDEA lets infuse the PEOPLE with air then there would be no accidents. Everyone could just walk through each other... Make driving to work a hell of a lot faster, and SAFER.

18) That’s my problem with America my ONLY Problem... The only problem I have is everyone is so overboard people go all out for safety. My point of view is similar towards those dumbass safety freaks as it is with religious people, overly sensitive people and doctors... “fish ‘em.” The only people who need all these laws are the assholes we dont need in the county, there watering down life. Life is getting bland. Get rid of these freaks and people will be come REAL people again. So again... I say, “fish ‘em”

19) Now listen carefully because people don’t understand these three things about me. 1. I LOVE AMERICA! All right? 2. I LOVE THE IDEA OF AMERICA and 3. I DONT LIKE THE FLAG! Ok? I don’t see how people could care about the flag. It’s a freaking colored cloth... Ok wait I just thought of something... here is a test. How patriotic are you? Lets look at Americas colored cloths... A) Red White and Blue: The flag, and B) Green and White: Money. I bet if someone namely you saw a flag blowing down the street and a hundred dollar bill blowing don’t you would jump for the hundred in the second. Wouldn’t even hesitate!

20) Now people say respect the flag people died for that flag... NO THEY DIDN’T! They died for the IDEA behind the FLAG... America doesn’t need a flag. All right? America is a modern nation, flags are outdated war banners they mean nothing – get rid of them.

21) And its not JUST the flag all right, this country IS going WAY overboard. And I said that’s the only thing I dont like about America. Let me show you. We now have national Birds, national insects, national animals, national flags, national animals, national flowers, national trees, national anthems, and national heroes. WHAT THE HELL! Anyone ELSE see the problem in that? But it gets worse. Because for just about every national “thing.” Theirs one for the states and all the territories. See how much State and National CRAP we have? It’s overboard, way to much JUNK and we need to get rid of it.

21) Yeah, and the doctors, the over sensitive people, religious people, and the assholes that our country doesn’t need can tell you what I’m probably gonna say about the people who go overboard. Thats right, something along the lines of “Go fish yourselves.”

22) Now the pledge of allegiance, in it your PLEDGING to the flag. NOT AMERICA there is a difference.
Here is the current pledge that I abhor:
“I pledge allegiance to the flag,
Of the United States of America.
And to the republic for which it stands,
One nation, ~~under god~~, Indivisible,
With liberty and justice for all.”

My somewhat longer version:
“I pledge allegiance; To the great nation of America.
To the farmers of the fields who grow my food so the nation can eat.
To the truckers who get the food to our nations major cites.
To the people of the major cities who characterize our nation in the eyes of foreigners.
To the soldiers who protect my family my ancestors my future and me.
To the congressmen and judges who make the nation as fair as possible.
To the waitresses who get paid crap, just to deal with assholes and pricks, like me.
To the postal service which keeps me in contact with my family, and makes the news interesting.
To the comedians who make us laugh about things we are too afriad to say our selves.
And finally to the Ideas of the Great nation its self. “Freedom, Independence, and United Strength.”
To this I do pledge and to this I do uphold.”

Yes I understand that is horribly long and people will never memorize it. Thats how I feel If you dont like it fish YOU. Please tell everyone I said that, teachers, friends, parents, pets who ever you can think to tell. Because I dont believe in the flag – I believe in America. Soldiers didn’t die for the flag they doied for the people of America and Americas land.

23) When I die of a completely simple and curable disease that I refused to get treated; People will claim I was an asshole, a prick, a jerk, and anything else they can say to make themselves feel better without me being able to defend myself or attack them verbally or mentally... My gravestone will simply read... “Quote: fish Doctors”