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KIM JONG-IL’S APPROVAL RATING REMAINS AT 100%

North Korean Madman Gloating About Latest Poll Results

In a new poll released today, North Korean President Kim Jong-Il scored an approval rating of 100%, the same number he has garnered every year since seizing power in 1994.

The reclusive Kim, who rarely makes public appearances except to threaten the world with incineration, held a press conference in Pyongyang to gloat about the latest numbers and to announce that he would seek reelection for life.

At the press conference, a beaming Kim said that his high approval rating was proof that his program of reprocessing spent nuclear fuel rods instead of producing food was overwhelmingly popular with the people of North Korea, and that he would “stay the course.”

According to the poll, Kim scored particularly well on issues of trust, with 100% agreeing with the statement, “Everything Kim Jong-Il says is true and everything everyone else says is a lie.”

Additionally, 100% agreed with the statement, “I will promise to agree with all of these statements if you will agree to stop pointing that gun at my head.”

At his press conference, Kim reserved a few jibes for the current resident of the White House, saying that he was willing to give President Bush ten of his approval points in exchange for a light water nuclear reactor.

At the White House, spokesman Scott McClellan was dismissive of Kim’s offer, but added, “Make that twenty points and we’ll talk.”

Elsewhere, after he was accused by police of reckless driving, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch was suspended by his team and replaced by actress Lindsay Lohan